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我用维尼熊壁纸贴满这晦暗空间
戴上墨镜看着这可爱的世界.

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喜欢吃饱就睡睡饱就吃
拿着holga东拍拍西拍拍
弹弹吉他唱唱歌
乱涂胡写打发时间
超爱音乐
听陈绮贞是生活的必须

: : ups and downs : :

it's raining.
a moment more, and i'd be off for guitar lessons. heard we are doing a new song todae.
it's strange. i dun feel a nagging sense of anything at all.
why shld i be?
i dun haf to define anything now at all.
they sae, i shld take a step at a time. i rebuked it by saeing tat the course of events now...doesn't tell much whether wat's wrong or wat's right for me to do.
there's no way of telling wat is trying too hard and wat's not.
so i tell you wat.
i'm leaving as it is.
why do i haf to try and solve everything now?
i haf a whole holiday to do it.
besides, there are pressing stuff to be done. i haf to continue my search for a place i belong.
training to be at least, capable of matchin SAJC standards.
i sae i will beat them and though they are the champs, i still want to try.
still want to be responsible for my declaration infront of their players.
got to visit the Cheshire Home soon.
find myself.
pull up my chem grades.
so many things to be done this hols.
why shld i be hurrying anything, when it all boils down to this word.
"ready".

but i'm worried about so many of you.
liangping.michelle.jianni.
charlott.zhengning.darius.
vivian. suling. linluan
joey. lixing
szehua.joksan.
melissa.
izzati.chienfern.
firda.meowzhi.candy.
tuyuan.edmund.jinhong.shirong.darren.karen.xinyi.
claryce.nuanyi
what would tomorrow be? how would it be like?
for those taking o's, those taking a's and those waiting for promo results
how many of us will be smiling when the results are known?
will things be alright?
i wan to see izzati get tat B for maths. see claryce clear everything.
hope tuyuan, in fact, all of us can promote.
so many things i wish for all of you, but would they all come true?
i see dark, menacing grey clouds floating past my windows.
hate that.
i want lots of sunshine and clear cloudless skies tml.
i'd wan to know tat all of you are fine.

okae. tis is me.
i tink.

:: a r l o ::

okae. i'm feeeeeeeeling...a little :) todae.
i want to hold on to it a while more.
it's not like u can have sunshine everyday.
yup.
not when the monsoon season starts.
here's the list of stuff that made my day:
1. claryce over the public announcement system, all goofy and funny. kick started off my day on a BRIITEEEE~ note.
2. well, PW was off to a good start. got all exceeding expectations for OP. but i know i still must work hard. cos even though i got ee, my ST is of no standard at all. at most, i'm just meeting expectations, or mabe not meeting anything.
3. miss teo is assessing me on the actual day. gosh, the princess!
asking me questions, hearing me present my work! how shld i wear my hair, shld i borrow a blazer, wear a tie...?
gosh. i'm so excited...MORE NERVOUS~~
4. well, she replied to ONE of my msgs.
better than nothing.
let's just hope this gleam of sunshine will last.
ayex.
05:50am Oct 28 2004

: : significance : :

did gym todae.
did 200 sit-ups
did air alert
ran round the canal.
pretty tired.
it started to rain. i was running back from the canal, and i tink i saw her walking out. and of all the wrong reasons, i ask her if she needs an umbrella.
of all the things to do, i did this.
arh.
confirm irritate her. guarantee + chop.
things are getting further and further away from what i expected.
told myself that no, no matter how she responds, you got to stand steadfast and give her ur all.
to change, and adjust urself to her. to everyone.
but now, i dun even know what's to do and what's not to do.
there's no clear cut way of communicating her.
it's getting so erratic, that i dun even understand.
i dun even wan to try anymore.

i dunno.
felt small.
i'm just an indiviual among the billions on this overpopulated planet.
surrounded by hundreds of high-rise flats whenever i walk.
just a grain of sand lying on a vast stretch of beach.
and how significant am i?
i'm so full of angst, so full of frustration.
yet, i'm so puny that no matter how i scream, it's to no avail.
i hate this feeling so much. i want to crawl under my skin.
i want to sit in one corner, do my own stuff, get by time on my own.
but i've changed that i can't do without company.
i wan to hide everything to myself. i wan to revert to what i was.
and i can't.
i'm neither here nor there. not this, nor that.
the silence is DEAFENING!
and why does it keeps raining on me.
: : ^~^ : :

no reason to smile.
imagine just sleeping 3 hrs a day.
all becos of OP*
argh.
no, we still hafent talk.
now it's my turn to run.
i tink with OP, late nights, fear of not being promoted..
i'm in NO condition to talk to ANYBODY.
besides, i'm still eh..acting jie lun. never smile.
rockers dun smile, anyway.
dotx.

thanks leh, LP.
exmas tml, still found time to talk to me.
my magic tricks diao hor. heh heh.
good luck for ur test tml.
after that, call all 4b1 go SENTOSA~

i got to agree with lott.
with one guy not doing ANYTHING, me handling and editing everything, OP rocks my socks.
: : o p * : :

i dunno wat to do with the presentation
op suxs.
i going to tell the 7 guys and gals from MOE that PW just sux and they should just scrap it for the benefit of all mankind.

i rmb this song that i kinda wrote for this friend long ago.
a short excerpt
"I would run to you when you're in distress/I would come to you at a thousand miles per hour/I could save you from any danger/ Don't want you to be hurt
I could fly you to the stars and above/Look upon this world like you always have wanted/But wouldn't you let me keep my secrets/Of little green stones and the fact that I'm not from (this) Earth"



: : running away : :

i dun wan to run away.
i wan to look the problem in the eye. tell it to scram far from my sight.
i wan to resolve everything. i wasted too much time on this.
i wan sunshine back in my life.

how long more are u going to run away?
how long more are u going to avoid it?
i dun wan to waste anymore time trying to solve something that should have already been solved eons ago.
do u understand.
i hate this deafening silence. not u. not anything.
i just hate this cacophony. all this silence is loud and jarring to my ears.
do u understand.
don't u see that i meant nothing at all?
don't u see that we haf made a big fuss out of nothing at all?
don't u see that i'm not different from anyone u knew and that i'm distinct in some ways that i haf got to xplain to you.
don't you see.


Wings Stir the sunlit dust
of the cathedral in which
the Past is buried to its chin in marble.

STAN RICE
from"Poem on Crawling into Bed: Bitterness"Body of Work (1983)

: : c l u e l e s s : :

i'm not talkin about my birthday here.
it was, overall, fun.
thanks to you guys hu came down. u know hu u are.

i want to talk abt todae.
can i ask something..
are things better related when one speaks to another? or
are things better related when it travels from one person to the next and so on & so forth?
i dun understand.
wat is trying to hard?
then wat isn't
wouldnt things be clearer if i told u directly all the answers to my actions?
wouldnt they?
or does it scare you that i;m something different from wat you are
would you feel comfortable if i wasn;t?
. .
i hadn't the slightest idea as to the sudden twist of events.

i was listless. the whole day.
i was second last when we ran for training.
not tt my stamina was lousy or wat.
i was busy lookin at the sky.
it's crazy. but i kept looking up as i ran, mumbling stuff to Him.

i told Him that my family celebrated my birthday with me.
told Him my frens came for sparklers yday nite.
told Him that i was about to lose a frenship in ways tat i didn;'t know how.
told Him how stressed i was with PW a few days back.
i wondered to myself whether..He could hear me.
so i tot to myself, if He hears me...let a flock of birds fly across the cloudless evening skies.

i prayed for strength to carry on.
to hold out till the end of the lap. "persevere" as ah ti told me she would sae.
felt lighter.
ran all the way.
heart wasn;t pumping tat fast at all.
still had the breaths to ask cheryl a qian4 bian3 wen4 da2 ti2

went up to the courts..amdist heavy footsteps.
and i saw it.
a flock of birds flew by.


yesterdae was nuan yi's birthday.
:: giddy yddig ::

it's a beautiful day

When I Look Into Your Eyes
Firehouse (Hold Your Fire, 1992)

I see forever when I look in your eyes
Your all I ever wanted. I always want you to be mine
Let's make a promise till the end of time
We'll always be together, and out love will never die

So here we are face to face and heart to heart
I wan't you to know we will never be apart
Now I believe that wishes can come true
'Cause I see my whole world. I see only you

When I look into your eyes
I can see how much I love you
And it makes me realize
When I look into your eyes
I see all my dreams come true
When I look into your eyes

I've looked for you all of my life
Now that I've found you, we will never say goodbye
I can't stop this feeling, there's nothing I can do
'Cause I see everything, when I look at you

When I look into your eyes
I can see how much I love you
And it makes me realize
When I look into your eyes
I see all my dreams come true
When I look into your eyes

When I look into your eyes
I can see how much I love you and it makes me realize
When I look into your eyes
We will always be together, and our love will never die
When I look into your eyes
I see all my dreams come true, when I look into your eyes
When I look into your eyes

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