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我用维尼熊壁纸贴满这晦暗空间
戴上墨镜看着这可爱的世界.

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喜欢吃饱就睡睡饱就吃
拿着holga东拍拍西拍拍
弹弹吉他唱唱歌
乱涂胡写打发时间
超爱音乐
听陈绮贞是生活的必须

:: seemingly clear skies ahead ::

cleared Chinese A Lit portion. not very well done, hope i can scrape thru. hopefully, a B. well...i could haf read more notes but then heh heh...i wanted to watch Smallville yar. din want to carry on mugging and miss any of it. besides it's going to be season finale soon. about 3 more episodes. haix. wat am i going to do without my weekly dose of kristin kreuk? haix.

yesterday's epsiode "memoria", is from the Latin term "memoria in aetena", which means "in everlasting remembrance" -- a possible reference to Clark's earliest memory of his biological parents (and his biological mother's name being his first word, no less). well...it was pretty touching to see Clark and Martha bond over his newfound knowledge of his biological mother.

Clark: I wish she (Lara) could've met you, to see what a great mom I have.
Martha: She knows, Clark. A mother's love never dies.

pretty sweet. and my immortal was pretty like okae for the scene..though i dun tink it's quite apt..but hey, it sounds nice. and where can i buy tat rotating solar system tat Clark has? it looks pretty cool to me. where to buy..or they make wan iszit...huh..dunno.

anyway, today my Chinese teacher told me my first compo for her was chosen to be in this book PJC always publish each year. i din like the compo she chose even though she gave me a pretty remarkable rating for it. i prefer another one marked by the other Chinese teacher. it's this compo tat i written abt likin a girl back when i was just a kid. like it a lot cos i used Jay's Qing Tian to write that essay. pretty original and i tink it's like a pretty unique technique..MUHAHAHAHA..and i convinced her to use it! MUAHAHAHAHHAHAA~. i was thinkin...maebe nxt time i can be a novelist or something like tat, a songwriter, a chinese teacher and of cos being my own boss. den i'd just be something like my dad, able to multi-task and multi-talented.

mUaHaHaHaHa~

go and study chem le. last paper.

good luck to me.



:: 1 down. well almost ::

cleared language portion of chinese A. Haix. I'm VERY statisfied with my essay. really up to my standards. it was a like tis tried and tested story by a lot of students before me...u know..an incident when u were proud and arrogant and it led to your inevitable fall from grace and how remorseful u are. anyway, it was pretty much a BORING question to do..but then again, it's the onli narrative question and i'm so darn confident onli with narrative stories.

used a lot of abstract descriptions to further complex-ify(if there ever was such a word) my essay. my essay was pretty DARK and maebe...smooth. i like the structure cos it's something like a novel. structure wise tat is. Used four pieces of paper. that's l;ike wat...8 sides? our paper was like one shot 3 hrs. wasted 2 on the essay. left 1 hr to wrap up my part 2...the language part. sloppy job. but i tink i can scrap a pass or something like tat. and anyway, i'm much confident with my essay, so i figured my grades could be pretty much be pulled up by it.

throat still hurts. very sore. when i swallow anything, or even just exhale, it hurts. a lot. haix. this sore throat has been affecting my sleep, my performance in the exam and i can't even enjoy my food despite the increasing no. of packets of Strepsils. and they said it was good for ur throat. RIGHT.

left maths and chem paper.
left big topics. trigo and chem bonding.

summer's almost over...guess the seasides everywhere would be lonely once more now that everybody's back to slogging again. hafen't seen the sea in a long time. shld hit the sea sometime soon. the thick, moist air with a tinge of salt.
haix.
:: came true ::

few days ago, said tat i would be sick in a few days time. and sure enough, was sick when i woke up on Saturday morning. felt hot all over. a windy day...but the wind felt cold on my Had a panadol. Study till 7p.m. Ate something plain. Had another panadol at 8.45p.m. laid in bed from 9.30p.m. till 10.32 p.m. slept till 12.31 a.m. woke up my mom. she gave me another TWO panadols. pretty worried whether anyone died bcos of panadol overdose. they weren't the usal round, circular pills. they were like long and elongated..and they were HUGE..well, larger than the average. well, my mom slept in my room...on a mattress. she was snoring...and i was like trying to sleep. covered my ears with my hands, my pillows..well..it was like 3.40 a.m. before i finally got to sleep. haix. guess she's pretty tired from work. well...i covered her with a blanket and tried to sleep surrounded by pillows and more pillows. incredible, tat i managed to catch some sleep. pretty much amazing, tat i managed to wake up today instead of dying from panadol overdose. haix...must catch up with my studies. luckily, tml is just Chinese A. haix. hope i can managed to complete everything in time. well..looking forward to guitar class todae.

(view in unicode)
匿名的宝贝
作词：易家扬　　 作曲：李偲菘　　 演唱：黄义达

我思念在你眼中那一片海水　有一种让我心痛的泪
于是我选择自已孤单的睡　下一辈子让我不相信的理由　我想是你对不对

＊你是个匿名的宝贝　藏在我心里的眼泪
　不管你帶走了什么　我都因为爱过你觉得美
　永远不忘记你的我　像一个孤魂和野鬼
　在这个世界上受苦　风吹雨打　我都无所謂

＃你是个匿名的宝贝　常在我心里飞呀飞
　如果还能有那一天　请你　回头看我一眼醒了没
　不必安慰我　你知道我不累　oh　爱你怎么会累

再一次站在雨中看着天黑　我觉得我在人海里潜水
帶你的名字飞往东南西北　我要让这个地球上除了我
再也没有人能知道　你是谁　你又是我的谁

Repeat ＊,＃　＃


:: caffeine. going bonkers. with all those caffeine ::

i tink it's abt time i stop on my black coffee dependency. all these mugging till wee hrs in the morning..man, i'm going schitzo soon. no wonder i have all these bad headaches and all. every day of tis week. everyday. i;m sick of having my head reeling and reeling and reeling. i tink i'm going to be SICK really soon. Let's examine the sequence of events tat will inevitably make me ill.

Statistical fact no. 1: By working my head off mugging till 3 a.m, i'm already losing sleep.
Statistical fact no. 2 : By working my head off mugging till 3 a.m, i'm already losing sleep. With England's Euro matches luring me to rot in my couch, i'm practically sleeping at 5 a.m +++
Statistical fact no. 3: Waking up the next day at 11. a.m and after a light breakfast start working again. Not enough sleep. Tsk tsk..everything's not looking good.
Statistical fact no.4: Taking black coffee as though it's water and not taking enough water is putting my throat into an abyss of pain. It feels so sore and i tink i can imitate A-do's singing rite now.
Statistical fact no. 5: After u begin to sing songs like A-do, you know u are on the verge of a fever rite now. It's just a matter of time. Haix.

Haix. Stayed up and watched till 5 am..onli to see England lose their lead in the last ten minutes. Waste my time. Shouldn't waste my time on them. Owen..haix. Becks..yuk. Rooney injured. Haix. You guys can't help but lose anyway.

Going to be sick. Real soon.
:: broken, lost, cold ::

I'm tired.
burned out.
had enough of chemistry.
i keep failing.
again.
and again.
and again.
again.
i keep failing.
no one can see the pain in me. i shuddered at the thought that i'm totally out here alone. totally. i'm tired of everything. when i close my eyes..i see equations, text, poems, the literature text. it's taxing. i heard a classmate couldn't cope. went to poly le. maebe the pasture is really greener over there. maebe. she's there. no...so wat if she's there..(smiling sadly). i'm still so darn far away. better stop thinking abt this. she never will happen to know wat's wrong with me. i;m tired.

i'm tired of hearing ppl telling me to go on. asking me to edge on. they act as if they know wat i wan. wat i will acheived if i push on. they dun seem to understand i'm doing things tat i dislike. i dun wan to be caught up in tis Singaporean Rat Race. i dun wan. i dun wan. i wan to be myself. i wan to be free from all this...tis baggage. i just wan to write my songs, find time for sketching, play some bball and sit down and haf a cup of coffee. i just wan everything to be simple. i wan myself to be ME. not pretending to be someone else or wat. i wan to be ME.

things aren't as simple as they seem. i believe for one, that simplicity is the best form of lifestyle. if we could just retain the innocence we had back in primary school days. not tainted by EVERYTHING on this world. i just wan everything to be simple. life. love. communication. bonds between ppl. i just wan days where i could sing my songs, wander everywhere barefooted, looking at the skies..the wispy trails of clouds with birds soaring by.

i bought a new guitar...yet the seven songs i wrote..i could onli sing them to myself. i could never sing to her the few i wrote. i just wan to sing my songs...to anyone..and when i finished..grab him/her and cry loudly.

zhe ji tian...hao xiang ku.
:: ryan ::

a tribute to ryan.
why suddenly ryan..it's like i was browsing the com for those unncessary files to delete and stuff. den i came to this Smallville espiode i downloaded for her birthday. i highlighted it..delete or dun delete..hmm..dun delete.
watched it again.
touching. very touching. no wonder she liked it.

Ryan's pretty sweet...
Chloe: It’s your jailbreak party! We even have the obligatory pistachio log ice cream cake and we managed to rustle up a band.
Ryan: (They walk over to Lana and Pete) This is so cool. Thanks, guys.
Pete: Good to see you man.
Lana: I’m so glad you’re back. (She kisses him on the cheek)
Ryan: Wow. Yeah, me too.
Lana laughs and she walks away with Chloe and Pete.
Clark: You knew about this the whole time, didn’t you.
Ryan: Half a block away.
Clark: Yeah. Thanks for not ruining the surprise.
Ryan: I was tempted to. I hate pistachio. But it was definitely worth the kiss.

He's young...but he definitely has a clear sense of right and wrong. He even tries to guide Lex away frm his path to darkness like we all know.Lex: Warrior Angel, number 1, mint condition. I have two copies of every issue, one for the collection...
Ryan: And one for reading. Why do you like Warrior Angel so much?
Lex: It helped me through some tough times when I was younger.
Ryan: After your mom died?
Lex: How did you know that?
Ryan: Clark told me.
Lex: (He goes to the pool table where more comics are laid out) The world between these glossy covers was reassuring. You knew who the heroes and villains were. When you grow up, you learn that not everything is black and white.
Ryan: So now all you see are shades of gray?
Lex: Ryan, real life is not a comic book. Sometimes you have to get your hands dirty, make compromises.
Ryan: That’s what your father told you. That doesn’t mean it’s right.

Here..it continues to show his clear sense of right and wrong. It even shows a little bit of what will come..referring here to the relationship btween Clark and Lex. Haix. Ryan.
Lex: Hey. I brought you some comics.
Ryan: Clark beat you to it.
Lex: Yeah? Well, I bet he didn’t bring you number 66.
Ryan: That’s the rarest issue there is.
Lex: That’s because it’s the one where Devilicus turned against Warrior Angel.
Ryan: Weren’t they best friends?
Lex: Once upon a time.
Ryan: Well, what happened to them?
Lex: (He takes a chair from the side of the room and puts it down next to the bed. He sits) Well, they, uh, ruled the Guardian Realm together until Devilicus told Warrior Angel that they should join forces and conquer humanity. Together, no one would be able to stop them.
Ryan: What did Warrior Angel say?
Lex: He refused. He believed it was a hero’s sacred duty to protect those weaker than himself. Devilicus thought he was naive and vowed to destroy him and everything he stood for.
Ryan: (He looks at Lex for a moment) Why do you think Devilicus went bad?
Lex: I’m not sure. Probably wasn’t aware of it. You see, Ryan, in life, the road to darkness is a journey, not a light switch.
Ryan: You should remember that, Lex.

Really hate it when he was going to die. Heart wrenching...
Clark: Whatcha reading, buddy? (Ryan shows him and Clark sits on the side of the bed) The infamous aerodrome, huh?
Ryan: Every year for my birthday, I’d wish for my own aerodrome so I could fly high above the earth. Up there, all my problems would seem so small and far away.
Clark: It’s a good idea except for the flying part.
Ryan: This is one of Lex’s favorites. Would you give it back to him?
Clark: No, you give it to him. When you get out of here.
Ryan: I know I said you should be careful of Lex. But I never told you how much he admires you. Promise me you’ll keep an eye on him after I’m gone.
Clark: Ryan, don’t talk like that, all right? You're not going anywhere.
Ryan: Clark--
Clark: Look, you just don’t give up hope, Ryan. There’s more doctors we can see.
Ryan: (His eyes start to water) Clark, you’re not listening to me. The doctor said he bought me a few extra days. I want to spend that time with my friend.
Ryan moves his head restlessly.
Clark: Ryan, what’s wrong? Ryan. Ryan, what’s wrong?
Ryan: It’s so loud in here.
Clark: All right, look. I’ll take you somewhere quiet, all right?

And the final hot air ballon scene...the aerodome tat Ryan ever wanted..to take him far far away...
Clark: What do you think?
Ryan: It’s peaceful. I thought you were afraid of flying.
Clark: Not when I have you here to protect me.
Ryan: (Quietly) Thanks, Clark.
Clark: (Brightly, trying to sound happy) For what?
Ryan: This moment. It’s perfect. I don’t want you to be angry or sad. You changed my life. You’re gonna change a lot of people’s lives, Clark. Promise me you’ll never give up?
Clark: (Nods and puts his arm around Ryan) I promise.
Ryan puts his arms around Clark, clinging to him and closing his eyes. Clark holds him and Ryan starts to cry as Clark rests his chin on top of Ryan’s head. Clark looks out at the sky, obviously holding back tears.

yeah...really memorable. tis final scene ended with a nice song by Dishwalla. you can see it as u scroll down.
it's like..sometimes i wan to be away from all these than bind me..(no no..we are not talking about gravity here.)..sometimes it's like you'd wish someone take u real far away...real real far away..but for me, it isn't happening. no one's going to take me away. no one. it's sad. i'm seriously thinking too much. sch suxs, bball team suxs, social life empty. i worry too much. ponder too much all the time. i dwell too much on the grey edges of life and i can't help falling off. tried to hide myself. but it isn;t working. i can't be indulging in writing songs and lock myself up, living in my own world, can i?
no one's going to take me away.
i can't find what i wan just by staying on zero ground.
someday i'd find my own aerodome...it will take me away. up among the clouds, all my problems would be so small..so far away.

sigh.
i'm too complex for my own good.




Dishwalla - Angels and Devils

This is the last time
That I'm ever gonna come here tonight
This is the last time, I will fall
Into a place that fails us all, inside

I can see the pain in you
I can see the love in you
But fighting all the demons will take time
It will take time

The angels they burn inside for us
Are we ever
Are we ever gonna learn to fly
The devils they burn inside of us
Are we ever gonna come back down
Come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

This is the last time
That I'm ever gonna give in tonight
Are there angels or devils crawling here?
I just want to know what blurs and what is clear, to see

Still I can see the pain in you
And I can see the love in you
And fighting all the demons will take time
It will take time

The angels they burn inside for us
Are we ever
Are we ever gonna learn to fly
The devils they burn inside of us
Are we ever gonna come back down
Come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could break us

If I was to give in, give it up
And then
Take a breath, make it deep
'Cause it might be the last one you get
Be the last one
That could make us cold
You know that they could make us cold
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold




:: 7 days ::

okae...there's like one week to the MID YR exams. boy, i can't hardly wait...(note: use of sarcasm here). anyway, while poly students are reeling with excitement(post-camp ethusiasm at work here), dying to start using their newly bought lap-tops, start making up to appeal to eye candies on the campus..us JC students are mugging and mugging and mugging and mugging and mugging and mugging(i can go on forever...!)..just for the midyr exams! wat's the june hols about? mugging? gosh, look at how EDUCATION killed summer fun. i'm a beach bum every June..but look at me tis time rnd, i'm a MUGGER. i din go out at all...(teary-eyed). i stayed at home, religiously practicing my TEN YEAR SERIES and writing songs...and i still can't figure out why i haf yet to revise chem. time management seem to haf gone awry. argh~~~~

all the good things in my life are disappearing slowly disappearing..one by one. going back to school, means lesser time for writing songs. lesser time for sketching. lesser time on the guitar. means a hectic lifestyle again. means facing tat lousy civics tutor of mine. sometimes..when i'm alone..i pray..i hope tat God could forgive me for a lot of stuff i did tat was wrong. i felt bad abt lying to her..i told her i would go for to service after a mth..but i din. it's more than a mth now. it's not tat i dun wan to go..but i'm caught up in so many things. i know worship shld be placed in a position of upmost importantance...i'm sorry i din. i really had a lot in my hands back then. i did go once..but i din dare to go in, even though i was at the door. now..i dun even dare to go at all..cos i dun tink she would welcome me after having told her tat i was going in a mth, but i din. haix.

God. Let me dream of You when i sleep tonight. Tell me wat's right and wat's not and wat i shld do to redeem myself. i dun wan to be on any other path xcept the path of the righteous and light. take me away from those paths infront of me tat leads to nothing but a bottomless pit of darkness.

Take me away...
:: my first entry ::

I've tried out diary-x and arh..opendiary. it's time i did blogspot..hmm...pretty interesting. tis's my very first lay-out used..pretty girlish..but hu cares..i like it a lot. spend quite a lot of time looking for layouts. must go and study le...end here for now.

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